I had a one card reading the other day from a facebook friend. The guidance was that I should tell a new story – that if I start to think and talk about myself in a new way, I may be amazed at how much and how quickly my life can change.
Exactly! That’s what I believe. So why is it so hard to tell a new story?
Well, it’s not that it is hard to tell a new story, we do this all the time. When we talk to anyone we are in effect telling a story. It may be from a trusty script that we are used to using, but there are always adaptations depending who we are speaking to.
To tell a new story, we need to let go of the old stories that we have used and identified with. That is the hard part.
What! Let go of what essentially makes me who I am?
We identify ourselves so much with our stories, especially the past that it becomes difficult to see that we are whoever we want to be at any given moment.
Think about that for an instant…
Each moment is brand new. Each moment is an opportunity for us to think differently,to change our story.
So why don’t we?
Well, If we go down the neuroscience route, our brain is a bunch of cells which form pathways as we learn. We are creatures of habit and are comfortable doing things the same way. The longer we are telling our old stories, the more ingrained the pathways become. This of course makes it harder to change.
We also have a family story. A story that has been inherited, passed down, like hand me down clothes. They are not a good fit but our brains adapt. We may borrow some other stories from friends, peers etc but essentially we all have a default or set point.
For example, if you have been brought up in a family which is constantly criticising each other then that is your set point. You will find yourself putting yourself down, other people and attracting others that put you down.
Even if you are telling a different story, maybe because you have met a new person or have decided to change, the old pattern can creep in when your guard is down. Remember old habits are hard to change, physiologically and emotionally.
This is where writing can help. Writing can tap into the deep emotions in our brain and our heart. Where the brain is where thoughts become translated into patterns, our heart is the energy centre where our emotions influence our thoughts. It is a vicious circle which is difficult to break but not impossible.
Firstly, writing how you feel, without any editing can put the past onto paper. Once there we can look at it, assess it and decide if this is who we really are. Of course this is not something that will happen in one sitting. Reflecting about how you feel, your thoughts, emotions can help with becoming aware with who we really are.
We will soon realise that our past is not who we are. We can also see that we can tell any story we desire. We can write a new story, based on the knowledge gained from self-reflection.
It is scary and past trauma can have implications on our emotions which is a reason why we resort to going back to what we know. But what is the alternative? Living a life that is co-authored.
Tell your own story, a new story by letting go of the old stories. Be the protagonist in the setting you desire with the leading partner you want and the co stars that will bring out the best in you.
I better get on to it…